No one likes getting their name smeared. Fewer, I imagine, like getting fresh dog crap smeared in their face. ON their face.

But hey, that’s the fast and crazy world of writing reviews and getting reactions.

If you don’t know what’s going on, let me start from the start.

MEET MARCO

That guy in the lead image? That’s Marco Goecke, German choreographer of dance and ballet, who has been awarded for his work on at least seven different productions, stretching back to 2003. He has been lauded as “incomparable,” “renowned,” and “the most important choreographer in Germany.”

Naturally, he’s a bit eccentric, too.

Those glasses? Ten points to you if you guessed “he is constantly being observed and wears the glasses to protect himself.”

As we now know, he’s got more than sunglasses up his sleeve, when if comes to protecting himself.

THE INCITING INCIDENT

In early February 2023, ballet critic Wiebke Hüster wrote of Goecke’s In the Dutch Mountain, that “One alternates between a state of feeling insane and being killed by boredom,” among various other biting critiques.

When Goecke and Hüster crossed paths at the Hanover State Opera during the interval of Goecke’s latest show, Goecke first threatened to ban the critic. But then, in a moment of sheer evil-chaotic inspiration, he reached in his pocket.

As he says:

My old dachshund had done his business in his bag, which sometimes happens at the age he is, and I had just packed the poo into a bag and had wanted to throw it away outside.

You don’t need me to tell you that he didn’t throw it away outside.

But we can let Hüster tell us:

All of a sudden he pulled this bag from his pocket. With the open side of the bag, he rubbed the dog excrement into my face. When I felt what he had done, I screamed. I was in panic.

Naturally. I think we’d all scream. Gag. Cry. Fume.

And then tell the cops.

And have the guy lose his job.

Oh, but not all his jobs, since he’s so talented. Naturally.

This isn’t the end of the story, but it’s the end of our coverage for now.