Anyone can write a review, right? Reviews are open forums – for the most part – and anyone can say anything they want about any product, with little to no ramifications. If it aids prospective consumers and helps them make an informed purchase, then all the better. If it entertains them a little bit, that’s good too. If it both entertains AND informs? Watch out, you’ve practically got yourself a movie day in biology class.

But what about when a restaurant owner, a shopkeeper, or a bartender writes a review of their own business? Has a line been crossed?

Mob Mentality

When we consider reviews, it is generally from the perspective that it is our peers helping us out, and by extension, it’s an US vs. THEM, we feeble consumers against the producers and providers all vying for our mighty dollar.

But when a business owner (or even an employee of a business) leaves a review FOR THAT BUSINESS, the line between producer and consumer is blurred. There is a spy among our ranks, we might feel. Where moments ago, we were freely sharing information for the good of our fellow man, now someone shares with an ulterior motive.

But do they not have a right to write? Well, in most cases – Google, Yelp, etc. – the codes of conduct prohibit an owner from reviewing their own business. But how often are they going to get caught? And should it matter?

Again, you look to reviews to be informed, and if anyone can tell you about a car wash, an ice cream shop, or a grocery store, it’d be the owners, wouldn’t it? If anyone could give you insight into the innerworkings of a nonstick spatula, an inflatable Christmas tree, or a set of sidewalk chalk, it’d be the sellers, right? After all, they know all the… what’s the word? Details! Oh, right, you’re right; they probably COULD just say everything they need to say in the item description and details, because yes, you’re right, they ARE slightly biased in giving themselves an unearned five stars.

All in all, the worst part may not even be that they skew their star rating. It’s just that uneasy feeling you get when you put it together what they’ve done. It’s like you’re looking behind the curtain and the Great Wizard of Oz is naked, squeezing hit nuts. It’s not what you came here to see and it colors the whole place in a whole new light. This AIN’T Kansas. It’s someplace far worse (yes, that’s possible, see Nebraska).

How weird can it get? Well, here’s an example:

See, even if they have the best intentions, that makes you feel a little dirty, doesn’t it? Okay, so they didn’t give themselves the free five stars, but is there a reason it’s only four? Now we’re filled with doubt and suspicion.

On the other hand, maybe you’re a creative type, funny man, public figure/author (not likely for most of us). In that case, maybe it’s okay to winkingly do something like this:

After all, we already saw McKenzie Scott review the book on her then-husband Jeff Bezos. So maybe, just sometimes, it’s okay?

Well let’s say you perform at a theatre and you saw a show you weren’t in? Can you review it? Ehhh? Or maybe you work for local government and you got good service from a different department. Should you let the people know?

If you have to question it, the people don’t need it, because they might question it as well. Don’t sully the waters.