Ladies, gentlemen, and those without a specified section of Kohl’s: welcome back (or hey, go read Part One!).

The Bic for Her pens.

Somewhere in the early 2010s, a Bic businessman (MAN) had an idea for a pen. He spoke to his assistant as such:

“Jolene- take this down…”

Take this down, as in write this shit, because it’s hot as it steams out of my mouth. That’s not how we’re playing it, friends. We’re taking it down like it the villain it is.

If you haven’t already, take some time and listen to RPDC 30 (and 29 if you’re feeling it), because my cousin Ally, host of theCampaignHer podcast, sits in on the segment and offers the perspective of a female who isn’t afraid and doesn’t hold back.

I’ll spoil one thing that Ally said, one searing and sickening point she made…

The pens we got write in blue ink, and while other Bic for Her pens are likely available (or were) in other color inks, blue is the color of choice when corporate America needs to depict lady liquids. In all those commercials - you know the ones! - it’s always blue liquid, as if the liquid weren’t coming from a person but from some strange and different thing altogether. Different enough to justify different advertising, different pens, different treatment in general. And that’s just a load of blue-tinged fecal matter.

These pens were made because someone thought they knew what an entire set of people would like, that those people could be lumped together, given the same thing, and be elated because all of their equal and identical wishes had come true. Nah, though.

That’s stereotyping. Hasty generalization. Oversimplifying. It’s sexist. It’s lazy. And it was exactly what some people wanted, to be honest.

The thought that went into making a pen that was pretty or a pen that had special contours and sizing to fit differently sized hands - that effort was not malicious. It was taking the creation and labelling it For Her, saying that only women could want it and that they already did, that’s what blew this over the line, that’s why it blew up the internet.

But apparently not so much that I couldn’t get my hands on some, and NOT from a random reseller, either.

However, I regret to inform our reading and listening audience that I have thus far been unable to review the pens on Amazon, nor on the site where I actually purchased them (a secret I will closely guard). So this little blog post will have to do as the place where my reviews live, aside from in the podcast itself.

Enjoy…

Real Review:

This pen is a bit more lightweight than I was expecting. Is it because I’m a manly man? Well. I used scissors to get the package open, so say what you will about that. It doesn’t fit perfectly in between my fingers, maybe a bit more on the big than small side, but it writes well. Didn’t smudge. And it’s got more attention to detail in the design than many pens I’ve seen. Does that justify its price? Does that justify its existence? Probably not, but outrage aside, it’s a fine pen. 4/5

Meme Review:

Please listen, read, or do both. (sorry for making you think the blog would be silent)

Look at this bust, look at these teats
Look at my hips and my waist so petite
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
Girl who has everything?

Look at this stove, it never grows cold
How many onions can my small hands hold?
Looking around here you'd think
Sure, she's got everything

I've got lip balms and lotions a-plenty
I've got aprons and ajax galore
You want pink cotton swabs?
I've got plenty
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more

I wanna write how the people write
I wanna print, wanna print real fancy

Jotting things down on those
What do you call 'em?
Oh, sheets

Whipping your dick out will get you far
Dicks are required for judgement, action
Holding a dong or your-
What's that word again?
Meat

Men get to talk, men get to think
Men get to put their words down in ink
Pondering minds
Wish I could find a pen made for girls

What would I give if I could live
Just with a penis?
What would I pay to spend a day
just like a man? (probably more than them)

Betcha' the guys don’t realize
That it is size that gets between us
Tiny fingers, just can’t linger
On men’s office supplies

I'm ready to write what the people write
Make some suggestions
And get rejected
What was I saying and when will I-
What's the word?
Learn?

When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love, Wouldn’t I love it to fit like a glove
Male-designed
Wish I could find
A pen made for girls 

If I had a voice, I’d rate it, but I don’t so I can’t.

There you have it. Bic for Her pens. Done. Demolished with farce. See you next time.