That was a good thing to take pictures of, wasn’t it? I don’t think it was a bad idea, and I definitely don’t think it’s gross or suggestive. But hey! If you’re on this page, you’re here for a reason. I hope you didn’t just wander in uninitiated.

If you DID wander in uninitiated, well then, let’s get you up to speed. Last week, in both the podcast and the blog, we took a look at the review phenomena that surrounded Tuscan Dairy Farms Whole Milk on Amazon. These reviews went from confused and curious to hokey and haha-ey. Like any good meme review product, the reviews became more important than the item being sold, the joke, the story, the meme-status outshining the need to actually buy the product before leaving a review.

But that’s not how we play here at Review Party Dot Com. We know that meme reviews have value in their creative humor, we also know that the true worth in a review is how well it informs the next consumer, how much it tells them whether or not they should buy that product.

Buuuut, at the same time, we are creatives ourselves, and cannot pass an opportunity to dig in with a joke.

To that end - in case you hadn’t already guessed - Matt purchased some whole milk. You will note that it is Dean’s, not Tuscan Dairy Farms. Go check out Dean’s website; they own it all. It’s all the same milk.

Now then, on with the show.

First the meme review, then the real.

Entry dated 23 April 2021,

It has been over a year since our planet fell under hostile control and what progress we’ve made in fighting back pales in comparison to all that we’ve lost. Some of the stronger, the younger, more brash from our camp venture into the wilds, defenseless against our common enemy. Others tout their traditional weapons, though these fail to have any effect.

And me, I weep. I weep for time lost. I weep for love lost. And I weep for spilled milk.

When a trip to the Pig can prove so costly, how can I justify risking everything for that essential dairy?

And how can I be so foolish, letting the precious substance cascade from an upturned jug?

Well. I will weep no more. These tears will be saved for another day, another cause. They’ll be saved for joy. Joy when the Amazon delivery comes through and the Tuscan Dairy Farms milk is once again in my hands and in my mouth.

I think I hear the convoy now.

Five stars

Very edgy, huh? Almost some commentary in there as well? A meme review doesn’t have to be laugh out loud funny (many people compose poems). It just has to be a bit of an abstract expression of the product and the “movement.” Anyway, onwards to the real review.

No Duds, Just Milk

It has been a long time since I’ve consumed whole milk as a beverage or in my cereal or oatmeal. And drinking a cup a few minutes ago brought it all back, but that’s not necessarily a ringing endorsement. I bought a jug of Dean’s, the owners of Tuscan Dairy Farms, and it tasted like every sip of whole milk I’ve ever supped. Which is good, but it also means that there never really was anything special about Tuscan. It was just internet famous, like all those dancing kids are these days. They’re nothing but plain white milk, and so is this stuff.

Three stars

And that cuts to the core of it. The real driving force behind these meme reviews, the inciting incident in this case was the sheer novelty and strangeness of ordering milk (or any grocery items) online. That confusion spawned parody and now parody rules the day.

But ask yourself this: are those meme-reviewers any better than TikTok fanatics? Each one hoping that Buzzfeed or whoever will feature them in a “news” ““article”” so they can get more exposure for doing random, nonsensical things.

Nice work if you can get it, as they say. And you can get it if you drink your milk.