There are few objects as wholesome as milk in this universe. Tom Hanks comes to mind. And flannel pajamas. But milk is different, because not everyone has access to it - no milkman to drop it at their doors, no grocery mart with row after row of unyielding options.

No, milk is, for many, a distant dream, something they hope to experience once, maybe twice in their lives. Until now.

Until that diabolical invention of the internet was harnessed for good instead of evil, and the victors realized the power they would wield.

Milk could now be sold on the internet!

Say hWha?

Okay, so there is a lot of hyperbole and exaggeration in that intro, but there is also a kernel of truth. Not long ago - though it seems hard to believe in the pandemic era - buying groceries online was a wildly foreign concept. Buying anything perishable online other than brides from distant countries (don’t joke about that, dickhead!) and flowers for the homegrown, domestic wife you definitely didn’t have to import was unheard of.

And there are many reasons for that. Americans are steadfast in their dependence on their cars (or more likely SUVs and trucks), which means that few had an issue piling the kids in and heading to the store.

Plus, even now grocery store websites aren’t optimized to show all their wares and give you the piece of mind that everything will arrive fresh and in good condition. How can you trust a melon you can’t pick up, squeeze, and sniff?

Plus plus, tracking and delivery, GPS-enabled smartphones, fleets of vehicles- these things didn’t exist. And so why would anyone with a clear and sound mind buy milk online? Why would anyone offer it?

These were real questions that brought out real emotion. That emotion turned from fear and confusion to mockery and jokeyjokeyjokes.

Reviews were left because the product seemed obscure and unique, a novelty, and then they were left because people wanted to one-up one another, milking all the laughs out that they could.

Humble Beginnings from Humble Humans

We can laugh at these two now, because they lacked foresight. Ha! But they weren’t trying to make anyone laugh, they were just shouting their thoughts into the void. It didn’t take long, however, for the milk to start shooting out of noses.

It didn’t take long, but with the floodgates open, there was no stopping the march of meme reviews. People see them, laugh, then make their own. We’ve commented on the pitfalls of meme reviews before, how they don’t help inform the consumer on their purchase, but still, we can see the value in a good laugh.

Even these are “old” reviews, but as of this writing, the reviews keep rolling in. You can no longer purchase Tuscan Dairy Farms milk on Amazon, but the joke keeps getting told. Months ago, in February 2021, someone altered Shakespeare, with a sonnet titled “How do I drink thee?” It is amazing stuff. It is inspirational. It is memeworthy.

If you want to hear the boys break down the origins of the Tuscan Dairy Farms meme reviews, listen to RPDC 45: An Unprovoked Sniff. And be sure to tune in next week when Matt reviews the milk himself, traditionally and meme-style.