Me, You, and Meme Reviews: Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears

Welcome back once again to Me, You, and Meme Reviews, the long-running blog and podcast segment that digs down to the core of the most pressing issues facing society today: those funny reviews for those weird things, and like- “like was it really all like they said it was?”

Put in more coherent terms, we at Review Party Dot Com identify those products that achieved meme-status for their whimsical reviews - the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer, the Three Wolf Moon Shirt, the Bic for Her Pen, to name a few - and we put the reviews AND the products to the test. That’s right. At our core, we know the value of comedy and laughs, but we also know how critical factual reviews are to us prospective buyers, navigating the ever-treacherous internet.

And now we’ve set our sights on the Haribo Sugar Free Gummi Bears. It’s likely if you’re on this website, or sheesh, on any website, then you’re familiar with the Haribo Sugar Free Gummi Bears. But if not, let’s unpack its history here.

Unbearable Ingredients

Here’s the thing- not everyone can eat what others can. From time to time people realize that something they like just doesn’t work with their stomach. They say yes, but the body says no.

Obviously allergies and intolerances are inarguable. Like, say, you’re diabetic, but you wanna get your chomping on. Thankfully, sugar-free candies exist. Or maybe that’s not so fortunate.

Let’s talk about malititol. It’s a sugar alcohol, which means it’s sweet like sugar, but the body doesn’t treat it the same way. Our mouths say “s’good,” but our stomachs say “I can’t break that down, so good luck boss.” What can’t be broken down and absorbed is instead fermented, creating gas, giving you the bubble guts. Further, maltitol in high quantities acts as an osmotic laxative, pulling moisture as it travels through your intestines, making whatever comes out your bottom end nice and wet.

Just take these early reviewers’ words for it:

Pretty funny, eh? Schadenfreude at work right there.

So, after a number of years, these reviews (or ones like them) caught the eye of the internet, and kaboom. You’ve got Buzzfeed, Boredpanda, and Mashed articles. But even legitimate sources piled on. The Atlantic, The Guardian, Forbes. And if that’s not enough, Heathline and the American Council on Science and Health have even written articles about these diarrhea-inducing gummies.

It’s safe to say they’ve had an impact. So much so, that you can no longer find Haribo sugar-free gummy bears online, just countless old reviews, masquerading as horror stories. And on that note, how about a few more?

That last one is actually a little scary. But now you’ve read this, and now you know.

But do you really? Some of these people are here for the jokes, here for the review fame, not to inform fellow shoppers.

Well… friends… As we do with Me, You, and Meme Reviews, WE will purchase and consume Albanese Sugar Free Gummy Bears and review them, both in a funny, hilarious, memeworthy way, as well as a straightforward, honest review.

Be here next week, or listen to the episode. You can find this Part I in RPDC 90: The Goose is Loose.

Godspeed all.